I don´t mind eating in a restaurant alone. Sincerely.
Modification to that assertation: I have a prerequisite for eating solitary.
I require something to occupy myself with: i.e. a book, notebook, camera, phone, camera-phone, a small child... something. Anything. Those who eat alone and aren´t accompanied by something to play with inevitably glance around like befuddled sheep. Tonight I was a befuddled sheep.
After being seated by the hostess/waitress/chef, she promptly disappeared and reappeared like an energizer bunny on crack. She transported cervezas, pastas, pizzas, and guinea pig, all while balancing steaming Cocao Tea on her rhinoceros nails. I managed to finagle a menu from her, and eventually my garlic pasta and pequeña negra. In between these interactions, which both absorbed the amount of time necessary for consuming a shot of my beloved Jager, I captivated myself by viewing the pictures on my camera and reading from Lonley Planet´s Peru edition. This book is as necessary to my existence as alcohol. However, thirty-five minutes after complete consumption, and having scrutinized over pictures and a book fifteen thousand times, I permitted the Wandering Eye.
Thirteen minutes later, Hostess/waitress/chef having surpassed my feeble attempts at acquiring her attention ten times, I necessitated some dinner human interaction. Wall decor and human observation might interest a fly for longer than ten minutes, but not me.
I screamed across ten tables and twenty-two heads at a solitary fifty-something white man upon his food delivery.
¨That looks amazing! What is that?¨
His startled incomprehension reflected that of a hospital patient emerging from a coma after seven years and seeing his aged son hanging above his head. I hadn´t expected this. I couldn´t violently swing my head away without being obvious, so I rotated my eyes from Coma and analyzed an imaginary painting on the wall.
Minutes later a fellow eater approached Crack-Bunny and, from what I could discern, requested her check. ¨Moi aussie!¨ I shrieked. Mass confusion and cocked heads followed my verbal eruption.
¨Oh, I mean, Yo tambien, por favor.¨
My Spanish is improving!