July 1st 2:12pm - Michael Jackson Inappropriateness

Within minutes of hearing that Michael Jackson died, I received a slew of inappropriate text messages from my friends. I love my friends like I love my grandma.

They were under the impression that because of his antics the past decade, one minute and thirteen seconds of mourning was enough time before Michael Jackson jokes were distributed.

* Michael Jackson died. Little boys can sleep easier tonight.

* It has been released that Michael Jackson's last wish was to be melted down and made into a slide so little kids can go down on him forever.

* Michael Jackson's last words: "Take me to the Children's Hospital."

* Since Michael Jackson is 99% plastic they're going to melt him down into Legos so kids can play with him for a change.

* Autopsy results are in for Michael Jackson: food poisoning. Apparently he was eating twelve-year-old nuts.

* Only in America can someone be born a black man and die a white woman.

* Out of respect, McDonalds has released the McJackson burger: 50-year-old meat between 10-year-old buns.

* Michael Jackson's ashes are going to be put into an Etch-a-Sketch so kids can still twiddle his knob.

May 13th 4:42pm - Inappropriate Jokes

Inappropriate jokes resemble men's thongs. They're as funny as Dave Chappelle and as appropriate as the show Gossip Girl is for eight-year-olds.

* Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. The answer is yes.

* The Obamas: another black family living in government housing.

* The blonde got pregnant and took a maternity test to make sure it was hers.

* Sarah Palin was offered $1 million to ose for Playboy. Michelle Obama was offered $1 million to pose for National Geographic.

* Why do Mexicans drive low-riders? To pick strawberries.

* I only know two speeds. 1: when cops are around. 2: as fast as I can go. 

* What did one tampon say to another?

Nothing, they're both stuck up bitches.

December 11th 11:33pm - Jokes!

* What do Walmart and Michael Jackson have in common?
- They both have junior pants half off.
* Why are New Yorkers afraid to die?
- The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
* The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
* Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary
* What do you call a dog with no legs?
- Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

And, compliments of Ellen DeGeneres:
* Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

SO TRUE!

November 18th 11:53pm - Joke Time! As always, inappropriate

* What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
- Juan on Juan

* One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."
He replies, "breasts"

* Why can't mexicans be firemen?
- They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b

* Why do black people always have sex on their minds?
- Because they have pubes on their heads

* What do you call a blonde with more than one brain cell?
- Pregnant

*What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
- The PGA tour

* What's white and fourteen inches long?
- Absolutely nothing!

* I was in the food court at the mall the other day and noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring. The teenager would look back at him. Finally the teenager said, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Old man's response: "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

September 6th - Highly Inappropriate!

What would you never want to call a black person that starts with an N and ends with an R?
Neighbor

And, compliments of Robin Williams:

"I love women's gymnastics. Or, as I like to call it, Chinese daycare."

August 3rd 1:03am - Inappropriate Jokes

Jokes compliments of my friend Flash (inappropriate, derogatory woman jokes, by the way):

* Why'd the woman cross the road?
- That's not the point. Why was the bitch out of the kitchen anyway?
*Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
- Because she's a woman
* Why do women have small feet?
- So they can stand closer to the sink
* Why do women always know what time it is?
- There's a clock on the oven
* How do you blind a woman?
- Put a windshield in front of her
* What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
- Nothing. She's already been told twice
* How do you know when a woman's about to say something intelligent?
- She starts her story with, "A man once said."
*Why do women always wear white?
- So they blend in with the other appliances
* What do you call a blank piece of paper?
- A woman's Bill of Rights

And ONE man joke:
* What do you do when you see your husband stumbling in the backyard?
- Reload