Saturday night my friends and I attended the infamous 6th Annual Elf Party. This notorious event generally encompasses costuming ourselves in Christmas attire, consuming copious amounts of alcohol, and exhibiting irrational decisions. The following transpired last night:
You Know You’re Drunk When:
* You forget you have your friend’s license and debit card in your purse. You never go to the party. She sneaks in.
* You pay $20 for a $10 cover and stagger away without obtaining change.
* You pass out in a chair on stage. Your friend exits the party and returns you to her house. You share her bed, snore like a three hundred pound man, and are the cause of her misery, awake for hours.
* You dance into the street and molest a car detained by a red stoplight with your ass. A cop car arrives and you ultimately conclude the encounter held against a wall by a screaming cop’s riot stick. You know it was a bad decision when his partner gets out of the car.
* Necessity requires you and your friend to urinate. You walk around the corner and up five steps, squat alongside each other, and release your pee. It streams down the steps onto the sidewalk. A male passer-by stops to observe, you warn him he will be urinated on, he doesn’t move, and your joint pee splatters on him.
* You throw up in a cab, in your roommate’s bed, and in the shower.
* You determine it logical to consume two more bottles of wine after returning home past 3am.
* You attempt to cook a frozen pizza. You place it on the rack. While extracting it from the oven you burn your arm on the rack. It is undercooked. You eat it anyway.
* You return home with a roommate and four visiting friends. Neither of you have your house keys. One of the friends batters the door in with her ass.