* What do Walmart and Michael Jackson have in common?
- They both have junior pants half off.
* Why are New Yorkers afraid to die?
- The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
* The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
* Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary
* What do you call a dog with no legs?
- Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
And, compliments of Ellen DeGeneres:
* Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.