Result: Victim Panics/ Becomes Scarred
Title: Baby’s Daddy
Victim: Male – could be more than one
1. Wait until the calendar rolls around to Father’s Day.
2. Hand-pick an incredibly lucky one – or few – (friends or family members) that tend to sleep around a bit.
3. Create an e-mail account at any free e-mail service provided. Use all fake information. Input a female’s name, birth date around the same age as said victim, and a city of residence where you know victim had one-night (could be two-night) relations with someone he’s no longer in contact with.
4. Compose e-mail. Something like this:
Father’s Day is in a week. Remember that crazy night in Vegas last year? Well, I wasn’t going to tell you, but because it’s Father’s Day soon I thought you should know. Little Sammy is now 18 weeks and he looks dashingly like his daddy. I don’t expect anything from you, but I just thought you should be aware that you have a son.
Happy Father’s Day,
Potential Outcome: Lawyers may be contacted. You may be accosted once friends determine it was you.
Title: Oops - Pregnancy
Victim: Ex-Lover(s) or Parent(s)
1. Decide if you want to play this always-appalling joke on someone you’ve slept with, or with a parent whose brain you want to temporarily disable. Or both.
2. Prepare a speech. Or, at least an idea of what you are going to say.
3. Approach victim in person, take his/their hand and say you need to tell them something. Make them sit down. If met with resistance, force them to sit.
4. Look him/them in the eyes. Try to make your eyes plead. I don’t know how to do this myself, but just mentally tell yourself to make your eyes plead. Your eyes might comply.
5. Sigh deeply.
6. Slowly inform him/them that you are pregnant. Yes, you’re sure. You checked. No, you don’t know yet what you’re going to do.
7. Do not smile.
8. Do not laugh.
9. Look serious.
10. Look scared. Again, I’m not sure how to accomplish this one. Tell your eyes to look terrified.
Potential Outcome: Loss of voice. Loss of ability to breathe. Inability to form thoughts. Incapability of constructing sentences or words. Silence. Fainting. Anger. Yelling. Screaming. Disappointment. Frustration. Lecturing. Disowning. (I swear when you tell him/them you’re just kidding, it was a joke, you will have the same potential outcome as five minutes prior, but it will be blended with relief. And possibly joyous celebration.
Result: Victim is a bit Infuriated, but Admits the Amazingness of the Prank
Title: Beach in Yard
Victim: Anyone with a front yard
1. Opt for a victim with a front yard. Grass is preferable.
2. Acquire a truck. This can be by loan, steal, or beg. Whatever works.
3. Raid parents’ garage for beach articles. This includes but is not limited to: beach towels, lawn chairs, colored plastic shovels, hats, a picnic basket, playing cards, a colorful umbrella, sandals, empty beer cans, etc.
4. Journey to beach with shovel-clad helpers. Shovel sand from sand dunes into bed of truck.
5. Fill truck with sand.
6. Drive to victim’s house in dead of night when nobody is awake, or dead of day when nobody is home.
7. Unload sand. Cover all grass areas (or cement, depending) with sand.
8. Set up beach apparel on sand as if actually at beach.
9. Leave front yard looking as if at the beach on a nice day.
Potential Outcome: Rage at the almost-certain destruction of grass. Confusion at beach-like-front-yard. Feelings of awe directed at whoever initiated geniusness.
Title: Car for Sale
Victim: Anyone with a car – can be multiple persons
1. Determine victim. Preferably someone with an excellent sense of humor.
2. Study victim’s car. Be able to ascertain what make, model, and coloring it is.
3. Open a site where you can advertise for free. I’d suggest Craigslist, but any free, high-traffic site works.
4. Write an ad concerning the sale of the car. I would suggest something along these lines:
Posting Title: 740iL silver BMW-great condition-basically stealing
Posting Description: I have to move to Europe in two days and can't take my baby, my car. It's in perfect condition, and to ensure that it sells in such a short amount of time I'm asking $10,000 OBO. I would never normally sell, but it doesn't make sense to ship it over. It's an automatic, has a sunroof, CD player, heated seats, automatic rotating side mirrors when you reverse... basically anything you could ever want. Please contact me as soon as possible.
5. Conduct an online picture search based on car’s details.
6. Input images identical to victim’s car into advertisement.
7. Ensure that you type in victim’s personal contact information so interested buyers will be contacting him/her instead of you.
Potential Outcome: Exasperation at volume of calls and e-mails. Declining to speak to prankster for awhile. Fury at the fact that people now have his/her personal contact information. A good laugh concerning how confused they felt the first couple calls and e-mails.