1. "Well, I got drunk, missed my flight, won't leave Texas until tomorrow morning. In L.A. now sleeping in airport in Texas tonight." (What this text fails to mention is that he made my roommate drive him to the airport at 6am to catch his flight to Costa Rica. Apparently drinking in a bar at that time in the morning is not advisable... who knew??)
2. "Today I went to the beach, fed alligators, and drank in a car wash. I love Hurricane Gustav!"
3. "If Hurricane Gustav destroys us we are going to make shirts that say, 'I got Gustaved in New Orleans.'"
4. "I'm a fucking admin assistant for this really small internet company. I get paid shit. I'm either going to have to become a stripper or get married for money right now."
5. "So I just found out I was break dancing on the kitchen floor naked the other night. I discovered this only when I saw the pictures."
6. "Let's just say I got shitty last night and threw up on a taxi driver's head and was showered in bed by 9.