September 11th 7:45pm - College Quotebook Excerpt

Freshman year of college my friends and I started The Quotebook. i.e. absoulutely ridiculous, hilarious, why-in-god's-name-would-you-ever-say-that. And it ensues: compliments of my friends (and a very few are from me):

* “They didn’t give us the smart genes damnit, but they gave us the cool ones!”

“How are you chugging so fast?”
- “Because I’m a boy!”
- “But if I’m a boy... then Q's a man.”
Q: “I’m not a man, I’m a gorilla.”

* “You know soccer has taken over your life when the field is in your beer.”

* "You have the coolest light. It looks like a really hard nipple.”

* “I need a locater for my life.”

*“Whales have the largest penises...
“No, elephants do...”
“No, wait, what are those black things... Africans.”

* “You guys are such cute little muffins. I could just bake you at 375 degrees.”

* “You’re just tipsy? You’re a better man than I.” (girl speaking to girl).

* “Oh we have to kneel? Is this the Japanese league?” (playing a drinking game while kneeling)

* “When I get drunk I like to touch things with my mouth.”

* “Just put it in your mouth and let it go down and you’ll be fine.”

* “What? Jail? Well, maybe I had a sip.”

* “I’m gonna wear jeans, but only because all my sweats are dirty.”

* (After someone farted): “It smells like someone just ate a rat and then farted it out.”

* “My boobs are bigger than Kara’s. At least I got that going for me!”

* (About starting her period on Valentine’s Day): “God must hate me.”

* (On Valentine’s Day - another friend): “God must be single.”

* “Tequila, the water of Mexico.”

* "For your graduation present, we’re gonna put Kara in a cake and she’s gonna pop out with only duct tape on.”

* “Size doesn’t matter... at least to Kara. Ask her!”

* “Ya, he liked my big toes.”
- “...And that’s why we don’t talk to him anymore.”

* (About spending money to straighten her hair and it got ruined because she went on a Slip-n-Slide inside a house’s hallway): “A well-spent $200, huh?”

* “I have really cute nipples!” (and then she proceeded to flash the roomful of people).