September 7, 2008 9:30pm - The Male Bible

The Male Bible
Compiled by various persons of the female sex
Read It, Learn It, Live By It - If you're a man

The 10 Commandments
Events and Appropriate Actions to be Take

1. You should at the very least text message (if not call or more) a girl you care about on all the major holidays/celebrations. For example: birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc. If you are unsure as to whether it is a major holiday or not, be on the safe side and call her anyway. She will feel like you care.
2. On birthdays and major holidays you should give presents. The major inexcusable ones: birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, yearly anniversaries. On the others you do not need to get anything but something small is always nice and appreciated.
3. Random gifts are not necessary, but, again, are good. Thus, if you see something in a store that you know the girl would like, get it and give it to her just to see the look on her face and in her eyes.
4. If you are at a loss concerning what to get a girl, there are always the basics, classics, cop-outs, etc. Girls like flowers, personalized stuffed animals, chocolates, jewelry, and cd’s that have been made for them. If you desire to buy jewelry, take another female with you to help. This can be a sister (or female relative in your case), friend, family friend, etc. Men generally are terrible at picking out jewelry.
5. You should, however, also consider the female as a particular being with certain likes and dislikes. Think about her habits. What does she do with her time? If she is athletic, go to a sports store and look around. If she likes music, go buy her cd’s, something to hold them in, et cetera. The same goes for everything else: likes cats: get her a cat, or cat toy if she already has a cat; drinks a lot: something to do with alcohol; likes a certain television show: a season of that show on DVD; enjoys art: go to an art store and see what your options are. I hope you get the point.
*Another hint: if you are of a more attentive disposition, then actually (God forbid) pay attention to what she might like. For example, if you are shopping with her and she comments on something in the window of a store, take a mental note and go get it for her at a later date. Similarly, if the significant other sees an infomercial on tv and comments on what a wonderful thing that would be to have, acquire it for her without her knowing and surprise her. Women appreciate this and it always results in something good for the male. Also, shopping does not always have to be done in the few days prior to the event. If you discover a gift that she would appreciate, buy it and then store it, to be given at the next appropriate gift-giving opportunity.
* Finally, concert tickets, away weekends, wine tasting for a day, overnight trips, etc. are always great and do not require you actually going to a store and finding something.

Social Events

6. Progressing to other matters, I will now discuss parties and behavior towards the girl at such events. Never do you ignore the girl. If you insist upon socializing with friends and not the object of your affection, then at least acknowledge her existence. For example, when she walks by, grab her, hug her quickly, pinch her, anything to let her know that you care.
* If you feel comfortable enough with it, a girl commonly enjoys having a guy’s arm around her. Girls like public displays of affection. Guys in general do not, but girls do. So attempt to do something. For example: put your arm around her for five minutes, whisper in her ear that you are going to go talk with your buddies, smile, maybe a kiss on the cheek, and then wander off.
7. Girls talk. Do not tell a girl’s friends anything that you would not want her to know. As you are speaking to a friend of hers, imagine that every detail that you tell the friend will get back to the girl. This can be construed to work in your favor.

Commandments of a Physical Nature

8. Girls like foreplay. They like the massages, the tickling, and the laughter that precedes the more physical moves. Do it.
9. Girls like to be touched. One of the most sensuous areas of a woman is her breast. Breasts can be fondled, lightly massaged, and the nipples can be brushed with fingertips. For that matter any part of a woman can be lightly run over with fingertips and it will make her quiver in anticipation. That is what any man should want.
10. After a while, sex can sometimes gets monotonous. Sex toys can and should be utilized. Various forms of edible massage oils are suggested. Anal beads are not.

No comments: