September 29th - Male Porn

A few years ago my two female roommates and I came to the glorious decision to play a practical joke on our exceedingly homophobic basketball-playing male roommate. We drove to Castro Street and entered the first convenient store we could find. I believe the business was entitled “Open Hole,” or something of the sort. The three of us instantly bee-lined for the magazine section. There were no People, US Weekly, Cosmopolitan, or any of the publications one would generally deem “normal.” Instead, there were: All-Boy, All-Man, Blueboy, Boys & Toys, Bound & Gagged, Flesh4Men, and more. There were blue, black, and red covers, all with assortments of naked men in suggestive (slash raunchy) poses. In intervals of giggling and gagging, we flipped through a few magazines. We purchased four, resolved against buying a cookie in the shape of a penis, and exited. Our male roommate was gone when we returned to our apartment. We dedicated the next hour to posting, hiding, and placing male porn throughout his room and belongings. Pictures of men fondling each other went into his school books, picture frames, and on his walls. Men sucking on other men went into his shoes, jacket pockets, and drawers. Men holding themselves and staring darkly into the camera went inside his hats, behind posters already on the walls, and on his room doorknobs. There were men thrusting, men touching themselves and each other, and men donning diverse accoutrements in the forms of piercings, cock rings, and devices I can’t even guess at the names of. We hid them in his bed, in his dominoes box, in his playing cards. He came home to hundreds of pictures adorning every part of his room. He tore apart his room but still found them for months afterwards. I swear there are still some he hasn't found.

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