October 1st 9:40pm - Instructions on Pranks

Section 3:
Result: School Officials are Livid, but Can’t Punish Anyone (because they don't know who the culprit was)


Title: Cement...
Victim: Any and all school officials/admins... aka the janitors
Steps:

1. Procure cement. This can be acquired at any hardware store.
2. Obtain the help of men (If you are a male, force your friends to assist you). This
is hard for girls to do alone... ok. Not hard. But slightly more difficult. So, ya, hard.
3. Determine what, exactly, you want to cement. And where.
4. I've seen plastic-coated picnic tables and benches from the quad cemented to the walls of the library. I've seen a toilet cemented to our senior steps compliments of our rival high school (thanks a lot boys - it just had to have our mascot's helmet in it). I've seen plastic trash cans cemented to the exterior walls of the basketball gym. I've seen coins cemented to the concrete ground. I've seen girls underwear and bras cemented to the principal's door. You take your pick.
5. Do it and do it well.
6. DO NOT GET CAUGHT.
7. After the accomplishment, do not brag about it to your friends. Someone in power will find out and you will be punished. So don't talk about it.
8. Gloat in the glory of doing something genius. I leave it to you...

Potential Outcome: Expulsion. Lectures. Sent to dark place that is the Principal's Office. Parents crying. Parents' disappointment. Detention. Saturday School (do they do that anymore?). Whipped/slapped/verbally and physically abused (in places like New Orleans where they allegedly have such forms of punishment that are corporeal. I did think that was illegal. Until this last summer). Force-fed worms. Punished into remaining home. Sleeping. Delinquent class. Delinquent school.

Title: Animals on the Loose
Victim: Anyone attending the school... adult or student
Steps:

1. Look on Craigslist for free animals. There are other places to explore, not just Craigslist. However, somehow manage to capture - or buy - at least twenty relatively small, mindless animals that wander in circles. My favorite: chickens.
2. Either call in sick to school (if in high school), or conspire with a friend who goes to another school or has a free period after lunch. If in college, this amazing feat can be accomplished at any time.
3. There are various locations at which said relatively small, mindless animals can be released. The quad is always a fun place. Hallways are amusing. Releasing them on tracks during track practice suddenly becomes dodge-the-animal-laugh-and-run in place instead of lets-see-how-far-and-how-fast-you-can-run. Streets are not a desirable or suggested location.
4. After the accomplishment, do not brag about it to your friends. Someone in power will find out and you will be punished. So don't talk about it.
5. Gloat in the glory of doing something genius. I leave it to you...

Potential Outcome: Expulsion. Lectures. Sent to dark place that is the Principal's Office. Parents crying. Parents' disappointment. Detention. Saturday School. Whipped/slapped/verbally and physically abused to encourage you to obey the rules. Punished into remaining home. Sleeping. Delinquent class. Delinquent school.



Title: A LOT of Soapy Secrecy
Victim: Anybody in School... aka, once again, janitors (For the record, I myself appreciate janitors. And you should too! But some of these are too good to pass up).
Steps:

1. Go to store (Suggestion: Costco).
2. Buy massive quantities of dish washing or clothes washer liquid.
3. Buy massive amounts of dye (suggested, but not necessary).
4. Carefully select a running-water fountain on campus.
* Sidenote: running-water fountain can be anywhere. No requirements on being at a school's campus.
5. Sneak to fountain at night. Preferably at night.
6. Avoid night guards.
7. Pour in liquid (and dye, if desired). All of the liquid.
8. Watch as the liquid gets processed and bubbles (or colored bubbles) get multiplied and flow into and through the fountain.
9. Run away.
10. After the accomplishment, do not brag about it to your friends. Someone in power will find out and you will be punished. So don't talk about it.
11. Gloat in the glory of doing something genius. I leave it to you...
* Disclaimer: this may, in fact, actually ruin the fountain in question. Thus, it may not be wise to do it on your own campus, but on a rival's...

Potential Outcome: Expulsion. Lectures. Sent to dark place that is the Principal's Office. Parents crying. Parents' disappointment. Detention. Punished into remaining home. Sleeping. Delinquent class.

Title: Rivalry
Victim: Rival School
Steps:

1. Steal mascot/some object of significant emotional attachment.
2. Enough said.

Good luck on your quest(s).

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