Good news: I look hot.
Bad news: I’m drunk.”
* (Drunk girl dragging a very religious boy into the bathroom the night she molested him): “I’m going to give you the best five minutes of your life.”
*(On how, while observing a knee operation Hot Doctor squirted her with blood and pus from the patient’s knee): “He squirted me with blood. We are forever connected.”
* “Tell everyone to pee on my face if I pass out by 9.”
* “Does anyone have any tweezers? There’s a few toe hairs I need to take care of.”
* “You know you’re an alcoholic when you think about having kids just so you don’t get carded.”
* “I feel like every time we say we aren’t going to drink much, we get trashed.”
“I feel like every time we say we’re going to get drunk we end up getting trashed.”
“Maybe we’re alcoholics.”
* “She's sweating!”
“Your vagina smells.”
“At least I got laid.”
* “Does anyone want to go to an art showcase with me tonight?”
"I’d rather stare at a wall.”
* “Usually soccer has taken out the frustrations of life. Now, I use life to take out the frustrations of soccer.”
* "He looks like Ben Affleck with down syndrome.”
* “My nipples tell me I’m cold but I really don’t think I am!”
* (One of our friends completely hung over looking like he just got run over by a semi): “I look pretty.”
* “I hate dirty little midgets.”
*“What a sweet release.”
* (Compliments of one of our friends - mostly in reference to beer pong):
“How unlucky are my bounces.”
“God you’re ugly.”
“God gave me a gift. He said, ‘Drink.’ I said ‘okay’”.
“I am so superior.”
“You’re not even good.”
“Try looking at yourself and playing.”
“I love myself.”
“At least I have post-up moves.”
Go throw it in Daddy’s cup.”
“God I’m beautiful.”
“What a tender toss.”
“You’re a sober player.”
“God you’re hideous, how do you sleep at night?”
* (Looking in a sink at Kell’s): “Someone lost a lot of make-up.”
"That’s puke.”
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