New Orleans 2009
You Know You're Drunk When...
* You convince a cab driver to let fifteen people in one cab... and then endeavor to make him dance with you. While he's driving. He refuses.
* You strive to convince your friend to pee in a sink in a convenience store's two foot by two foot janitor's closet. You argue with the manager in the store while your friend is in the closet.
* You later attempt to pee in a parking garage until you get chased out.
* You awake the next morning to find one side of your ass containing one large bruise, seven small bruises, and no explanation.
* You kick a friend of a friend in the balls at a bar because he asks for your number. He hobbles outside only to return fifteen seconds later.
* You kiss a guy, walk away because he tastes like cigarettes, realize he was a good kisser despite the ashtray taste assaulting your tongue, return, kiss him again, and walk away. Again.
* You propose to a girl you just met through another friend (you are residing at her house), and twirl her around swing-dance status, dipping her, twisting her, curling her... your Mardi Gras beads entangle with hers and choke her. The more you endeavor to disentangle yourselves, the more you choke each other.
* You kiss a guy and continue to inform him (loudly), "I'm clean!"
* You get kicked out of a store for peeing in the employee's break room. There was no toilet in the break room.
* You determine the rubber chicken you caught off a parade's float is a superior container for your daiquiri, as opposed to a plastic cup. You proceed to request the bartenders to re-fill daiquiri into said rubber chicken.
* You steal cotton candy from an unattended homeless man's cart. Twice.
** Unrelated Addition: favorite NOLA sign I witnessed:
"Child Abuse: $2."
For those concerned, distressed types: Child Abuse is a drink.
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