SP: "Oh. WOW. My ass is sore."
K: "AND your inner thighs?"
SP (before the stripper arrived): "I need to change into jeans because I'm going to get a boner."
B: "I just told her she rubbed her titties all over me."
K: "Taylor Swift is really tall and really skinny."
B: "Ah, that's ok. I still think she's hot."
SP: "Ya, I mean, she's not short and plump or anything, but she's still hot."
B: "My knees hurt, and I can't figure out why."
SP: "My ass hurts, and I don't know why.
Well, and my inner thighs and my jaw."
B: "I got blacked-out drunk last night."
SP: "Me too!"
B: "Did you just soak your fork in saliva and dip it in my food?"
Vons Cashier Woman (to Scotty): "Don't you love your Blackberry?"
SP: "Yes. I write memos every time I have thoughts."
SP (later): "I need to stop thinking. I just need to get blacked out."
K: "My life hates me."
SP: "My body hates me, my life thinks I'm fantastic."
KY: "Last year I woke up in a twin bed with Steve and Mark."
J: "I had just met Mark and he asked to caress my hand so he could pretend it was Talia's."
J: "After Mark punched me I had to be held back by my friends. It was a white flash of rage."
A: "I was so disgusted by the cougar I wanted to punch her in the head."