January 5th 11:58pm - Vegas. New Years. You Know You're Drunk When...

5 nights. 10 males. 3 females. Strippers. Limo. Beaker-Shots. 70's House. VEGAS.

You Know You're Drunk When...

* Every day is in the top fifteen days of your life.

* You deem it a good idea to drive from Vegas to the Hoover Dam with two passengers at 4am having been drinking all night. When the car returns alive with breathing passengers, your friends also deem it a good idea.

* Talking to a 65-year-old black man for two hours about Frank Sinatra are the best two hours of your life.

* A girl you met earlier in the night announces she's going to make you jealous and begins dancing with your friend. You slap your friend in the face twice and promptly get escorted out of the club, leaving the girl's attention solely on your friend.

* You don't remember if that hand-job on the dance floor was just a hand-job, or if it was sex.

* You black-out and regain consciousness to a stripper rubbing her ass in your face. You traveled to the strip club in a free limo you don't remember. This is the best day of your life.

* You consciously decide to purge the Vodka from your body by temporarily becoming bulimic so you can switch to Tequila.

* The decent-looking girl at the initiation of the night became a supermodel by the night's close.

* You tip a cop $5 to wheel your drunk supermodel from the bottom of the hotel to her room.

* The following day your supermodel appears to be Satan incarnate in pictures.

* You and two other girls get topless and through grasping and feeling, compare boob sizes with the stripper.

* Every time a stripper approaches you, you unhesitantly place a dollar bill between your breasts and lean back.

* In a club, your male friend tells you to bend over. You instantly obey instructions. Another male friend walks over and together they fashion an Eiffel Tower above you with their arms. You don't question until the next day when viewing the photo.

* You straddle your boyfriend's best friend and use him as a pole.

* You think a medical marijuana card could provide you entrance into a strip club as a valid form of identification.

* You pay $40 for a buffet when not hungry and then require a chaperone to the different stations.

* You can't find the exit to the casino so you cry. Then, lack of a ride = you curling up on a casino couch on New Year's Eve.

* You try to buy the blanket the stripper performed on.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

how do you not have any comments on your blog? i've only read like 2 and not only are they hilarious, they are entertaining! =) not to mention well written.

i stumbled upon it searching google images for "soma residences san francisco". i saw your pic and thought to self, "does she live there? i'm moving there if she does" haha j/k

no but for real you're definitely a hottie.