"Walking on top of things while making loud noises and pouring free shots in peoples mouths is my dream job."
"Cowboy hats just say, 'Here I am, and I have come to party.'"

"Me to my roomate, 'How did I get home last night?' She says, 'We got a ride from two Italians that didn't speak English, in a bat mobile." Me: 'Bat mobile!'
Best birthday ever!"
"Yolo court has notified me that I owe $350 and lost my license for the month of February... for a speeding ticket. Balls."
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