"I popped the champagne at 6. Now waiting for the bus but I'm weaving and losing feeling in my mouth."
"Walking on top of things while making loud noises and pouring free shots in peoples mouths is my dream job."
"Cowboy hats just say, 'Here I am, and I have come to party.'"
"Me to my roomate, 'How did I get home last night?' She says, 'We got a ride from two Italians that didn't speak English, in a bat mobile." Me: 'Bat mobile!'
Best birthday ever!"
"Yolo court has notified me that I owe $350 and lost my license for the month of February... for a speeding ticket. Balls."