June 13th 2:12pm - Would You be Opposed to Me Asking Your Number

Tonight two friends and I went to a restaurant, I exclusively to inhale pesto cheese bread sticks. Pesto cheese bread sticks are as special to me as my cousin. Given the choice between Castello di Amorosa's buttery Reserve Chardonnay and pesto cheese bread sticks... I don't know what I'd choose. I'd be torn between the choices like Holyfield's right ear after his fight with Mike Tyson. 

Our waitress was considerably cute, and my friend was considerably drunk. When he announced he wanted to ask for her number, we encouraged him to with the same fervor that he had shown in acquiring alcohol. He had been drinking by himself for two hours before we arrived. 

Me: "You should ask for her number. Definitely. She's cute and really friendly."

Drunky: "What if she says no? I guess it wouldn't matter. But I hope she says yes." 

Other: "Ya, I mean, how could she say no to such a good-looking tall blonde?"

Drunky: "I should just say, 'Hi, I'm Tall Blonde... can I please have your number?'" 

Drunky: "By the way, Kara, can we borrow your uncle's boat? I really want a boat." 

Me: "I really want a boat too! He's finally back from pursuing that Colombian woman in Miami... so we could probably borrow it soon. I'll obviously have to ask, but probably." 

Other: "If she says no when you ask for her number, you should mention you have a speedboat." 

Drunky: "Ya, like, 'No, I can't have your number? Would it make a difference if I had a speedboat?'" with upraised eyebrows and a subtle smile.

For the following fifteen minutes the three of us talked of the prevalent possibilities of picking up a girl with a speedboat comment. "I hope she says no just so I can mention my speedboat!" Drunky articulated with the enthusiasm of Dane Cook. Other virtually raced to the bathroom so he wouldn't miss the drunken digit inquiry. 

Five minutes after that found me standing by a mesh window conversing through it to a high school friend on the sidewalk. I returned to the table to find that I had missed The Question. I was as disappointed as when I was sixteen and my dad pretended to give me a car. The car was only a rental, but he procured a bow for the top and had my brother videotape my ecstasy, only to reveal twenty minutes later it wasn't mine.

Luckily, the boys relived the conversation for me.

Drunky: "Would you be opposed to giving me your phone number?"

Cute Waitress: "Well, I wouldn't, but my boyfriend would." 

Drunky: "Oh. Ok."

I waited for some seconds, expecting him to add another sentence. It never came. "You didn't mention you had a speedboat?" I screamed, throwing my hands on the table as if I was one number away from winning the lottery. Both of my friends recoiled in dismay, blustering they couldn't believe they forgot, they were just so disappointed that she had a boyfriend. To remedy the situation, we left her a note with a $2 Gift Certificate to an ice cream store I found in my purse. 

We realized later that underlining speedboat in the note could not have possibly been taken as a positive innuendo.