June 11th 10:12pm - A's Game Lechery

Last night some friends and I attended an A's game. It was as amusing as sneaking in to a hotel pool/hot tub and skinny-dipping at two in the morning accompanied by beer and two Vacavillians staying at the hotel... like we did last weekend. 
Two friends and I received a text from another friend early in the day warning that the $2 tickets were selling rapidly and to buy online immediately. I did so. The other two did not. With processing fees, etc, my total was $7.50. The A's website additionally charged me $2.50 to print my own ticket. I didn't know this until I had already clicked on Print Your Own Ticket, the yellow box as inviting as the messiah opening a door and offering me a plateful of chocolate chip cookies. I paid $10 for what was initially a $2 ticket. Why the A's establishment piles its patrons with $2.50 for printing their own ticket tangles my brain like the concept of  penguins residing in Africa. You can retrieve your ticket at Will Call without the $2.50 charge. But if you want to spare the box office the trouble of procuring your ticket, you pay more than the cost of the original ticket. This makes about as much sense as Paris Hilton's fame.
I paid $10, the text instigator, $7.50 (she apparently has Da Vinci's reading skills while mine parallel a dung beetle), another paid $24 for a $13 ticket, and the fourth paid an acme amount of around $50. Four others didn't purchase tickets preceding stadium arrival. $24 trickled the most turmoil over her ticket purchase, as she was the mastermind that devised $2 game day, because if we brought our own alcohol, the entire affair would amount to $20 total, at most. 
Two others and I picked up Mastermind from Marin while driving to the game. Six more met us there. Three that didn't have tickets paid $10 each to a man while standing in the box office's line. 
We reminisced how we preferred A's games over Giants games because:
1: It is phenomenally easier to sneak in alcohol. 
2: If you get caught drinking alcohol you brought in, you don't get ejected from the game, because Oakland has real worries, like crackheads and coke dealers. 
We laughed about the time security evicted Mastermind from a Giants game because she was confused with another friend who was drinking. She snuck back in the game only to get thrown out again. We exited the game to find her handcuffed and surrounded by security guards. They told her she had a lifelong ban and was never allowed back. A friend who had met us at the game laughed and informed us she had been ejected from another Giants game she went to with him, and accrued another lifelong ban. "I have two bans on Giants games?" Mastermind asked. "I don't remember the second one at all!"

While drinking in the parking lot (as classy as bald Britney Spears), an A's appareled man approached, inquiring if anyone needed a ticket. One of our friends required it. The man succumbed it for free. Mastermind, moaning over her ticket cost, cried, "What the fuck!?" as A's Angel ambled away and our friend radiated like a baby suckling on a nipple over his free ticket. 
After three innings of inhaling Vodka, beer, and Jager in the parking lot, we infiltrated the entrance. Mastermind's ticket was rejected. She had mistakenly purchased and printed a ticket for the A's vs Giants game on June 24th. "What the fuck?!" she screamed again.
She detoured to the ticket booth to exchange her ticket while the rest of us entered the stadium and flocked to the delectable $1 hot dog lines. 
An hour later Mastermind reappeared. While removing her jacket the sleeve haphazardly caressed the top of a bald man's head who reposed in the row in front of her. Someone advised her to be careful. Instead of apologizing and reclining in her seat, Mastermind pretended to eat his head, lick his head, and massage it. She turned around and booty-danced, her ass towards his back of head. Baldy's friend rotated his own head and uttered, "Take it easy, take it easy now." 
Mastermind's explanation: "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were watching." 

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