Tips on how each candidate can "win" tonight's debate.
Either VP hopeful can accomplish this by avoiding mention of certain aspects...
* Do not mention Alaska, "the Last Frontier." It is one hundred years behind the rest of the country.
* Attempt to not bring up the fact that you have a gun in your car's glove compartment.
* Do try not to discuss any topic where the phrase "foreign policy" is even somewhat related.
* Don't talk about how strongly you oppose pre-marital sex. Your unmarried pregnant 17-year-old daughter is...
* Veer strongly away from any mention of beauty pageants and beauty queens.
* Five kids, is it? And you think you can juggle vice presidency and family life? My parents could barely do it with three kids!
* Avoid mentioning McCain is old and thus more likely to die
* Avoid mentioning you are old and therefore more likely to die