T-Rex: "She was a really nice girl. We're going to fuck tomorrow. Her name's Salina."
J: "Isn't her name Sonia?"
Parrot: "There were five of us in that room last night. Captain Morgan was one of the people."
Natty Light to LSU: "Is it okay with you if I feel up your girlfriend before her breast reduction?"
Me: "Dude, you look ripped! Take off your shirt."
Stripper (strips): "Okay."
Parrot: "Your pectorails are amazing!"
Me: "Pectorials? Is that code for pectorals?"
Stripper: "I've seen a lot of fucked-up shit, but last night a guy puked, pissed, and then whacked off in the living room in front of people."
Pakistan: "I was going to take the girls out to a strip club last night. And I was going to fuck her. But I was feeling tired."
Pakistan (playing a drinking game called land-mines): "Oh my god. I'm still perfect."
Big Boobs McGee: "Get me a water. Get me a water. Get me a water."
(One hour later): Big Boobs McGee: "Get me a water and I'll give you a blow-job."
LSU (sprints out of room and two doors down): "Done."
Pakistan: "Let's get the topless party started now."
Parrot: "I'm not wearing a bra."
Me: "I'm wearing see-through Scotch tape over my nipples, which is even more awkward."
Big Boobs McGee: "Did you flush the toilet?"
Pakistan: "I'm not a barbarian."
Natty Light: "It's fine, he just peed in the sink. No need to flush."
Stripper: "I've peed in more sinks that I don't remember than I do remember."
Natty Light: "It's 4:30pm, why're you going to dinner?"
Woody: "I eat when I'm hungry, I drink when I'm thirsty, and I gamble when I'm bored."
T-Rex: "Where did they find me I feel?"
Stripper (after shaving Pantsless's head): "How is there hair on the toilet seat?"
Me: "I just drank hair out of my cup."
T-Rex (After Stripper whipped out his switchblade): "Wow. That's cool. I want to play with that when I'm drunk later."
T-Rex: "My noodle's throbbing."
T-Rex (To Baby Bear, who woke up wearing a wife beater, sweatpants, and no shoes): "Why the hell are you so dressed up right now?!"
Stripper (dancing, swaying hips): "What you guys don't know is that my balls are making contact with my legs. Left to right, left to right.
Me: "I wish that I had a penis so while I swayed I could feel it on my legs."
Stripper: "It's like a wrecking ball in here."