I was settled on a bench with a branch tickling my ear and an older Aussie next to me.
Me (in reference to the turtles): "That's nice. They must love each other."
Forty-Year-Old Aussie: "Ah, those two have been trying to mount that female for days now. I figure it, she's got a slick shell and that's why they can't properly mount her. They just need some leverage."
Following this hypothesis he scooped up one of the males as deftly as Michael Flatley's legs in Lord of the Dance and placed him on top of the female.
Aussie: "I just want to see turtle sex."
Me (laughing): "I've never thought about turtle sex before."
Inspecting the turtles and their shell encumbrances, turtle copulation seemed as difficult as night-vision for the blind.
Aussie: "I really want to see turtle sex. My eighteen-year-old girlfriend would be a lot easier to get to do things... I've been thinking about extracting her teeth."
Me (horror): "Um. What??"