Today, I Quasimodo-hunched onto the carpet because the stench slipping from the five-month-old's diaper resembled old-man-anal-cavity.
The song, "Fuzzy wuzzy caterpillar humps along, humps along, humps along," rocketed from the CD player as I detached the velcro and whacked down the diaper to reveal the baby's microscopic penis.
The seven-year-old shrieked and pointed.
"His doodle is really big. It's just too big."
Her screams backlashed from the walls as she ran from the room, repeatedly crying, "It's too big."
I surveyed the five-month-old. The penis was the size of my little finger's fingernail. The testicles were the size of my fist. When I detailed her daughter's reaction to the mom, she confirmed: the baby has abnormally large balls. The mom considered taking him to the doctor for his massive baby balls.