She thought the mummy at the museum was a mommy, not a corpse.
* 5-year-old (on a plane from the south island to the north island): "We're going back to New Zealand!"
Me: "Hunny, we're actually still in New Zealand, we're just in the south island."
5-year-old: "But we're going back to the real New Zealand!"
* 3-year-old: "Poos come out of the baby's belly button."
* 5-year-old: "I know why you can see."
Me: "Why's that?"
5-year-old: "Because you have eyes!"
* 3-year-old: "I have a butthole."
* Me: "What's the name of a girl you like? What should we name the princess?"
Me: "Okay. Princess Mummy."
*3-year-old (bending over while I wipe his ass): "There's a bubble! There's a bubble!"
Me: "Where's a bubble?"
3-year-old: "Behind my doodle."
Me: "Those are balls!"
The mom (five minutes later after I've recounted the conversation): "Baby, where's your bubble?"
3-year-old: "In my pants!"
* 5-year-old: "You become a lawyer by pooing on your teacher's face."
*3-year-old (prodding my breasts): "You don't have milk. Mummy has milk."
* 5-year-old: "I found a hair clip at school today! It's in me."
* 5-year-old (wanting to go to her big sister's birthday party): "I'm going to be good on the bus today. I'm going to keep my tongue in my mouth, my hitting arm by my side, and my head-butting head to myself."
* 5-year-old: "I forgot to take off my undies when my class went swimming today. I wore my undies swimming."
* 5-year-old: "It's not good to breathe out or drive. It causes pollution. Tell your adult friends not to exhale or drive."
* 5-year-old (to the four-month-old): "You are such a pain in the ass."
* Me: "I'm going north for the weekend."
5-year-old: "Are you going to the North Pole or North America?"
Me: "No no, just four hours north of here."
*Me (after the three-year-old stamped his four-month-old brother on the forehead and belly with a dinosaur stamp): "You can't stamp your brother!"
3-year-old: "But he looks pretty."