July 14th 1:12pm - ACL/MCL vs Fat Ugly Girl

In a collegiate soccer game one of my friends mutilated her MCL, ACL, and Meniscus. It temporarily curbed her soccer career like child molestation accusations arrested Michael Jackson's career. During the game I screeched at her to get off the ground and continue playing as if she were Cinderella and I was her stepmother. I learned later that she wasn't just trying to draw the foul but had damaged her knee. I felt as horrible as the time a bee stung me inside my mouth.
A week before her surgery the majority of our soccer team patronized an Irish bar called Kells. MCL, myself, and eight of our teammates entered the bar with steep spirits, saturated with Captain Morgan. Early in the night a gremlin-girl shoulder-checked MCL. Inebriated MCL turned like an enraged boar.
"Hey, watch where you're going," she retorted.
"What'd you say bitch? You want to take this outside?" Gremlin retaliated.
"What? No! It's early. I'm having fun dancing! I will meet you outside at 2am," MCL replied.
"Fine, Bitch," Gremlin spit and turned to leave. MCL swung her leg back like a golf club and launched it towards the girl's ass. Division-1 soccer forward's foot connected with Gremlin's bottom. The foot's bowling-ball-blow propelled her forward and she staggered before rotating with a bear-growl.
"What the fuck?" she screamed as MCL mischievously dodged away.

At 2am I exited the bar with a more-befuddled teammate in tow. It was as uncommon for me to be less intoxicated than some friends as it was for Mischa Barton to make the Best Dressed list. Without perceiving the previous incident, outside I encountered four strangers in a row facing my friends. MCL snickered as she looped the street on foot circling behind Strangers. One of my friends, the biggest sweetheart of any, who I had never heard utter a mean word, announced with Malcolm X's vocal broadcast, "Kara, those girls, they're fat and they're ugly!"
The girls scowled as another friend sucker-punched Gremlin in the face.
"What the fuck?" they shrieked like possessed Paris Hiltons.
Minutes later our other teammates exited the bar as Gremlin catapulted forward with a roller coaster's momentum. MCL had kicked her in the ass again. She held her ass with on hand and her face with the other, a pose I've observed apes poised in before.
"Okay, what the hell is going on here?" I yelled as I stole a cab from a couple who had been poised to enter. I shoved MCL, Violent, Kindly, and Drunky into the cab and told the driver, "Richmond District!" before striking the door shut. The cab drove away with a voice echoing from the window, "They're fat and ugly though!"
The police arrived ten minutes later inquiring after a "female fight."
I later learned that MCL had ass-raped Gremlin with her foot six times that night, once inside the bar and five times outside. Violent had thrust her fist into Gremlin's face shortly after she had caught MCL's damaged leg. And somehow I was semi-sober throughout.

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