Me: "Because I apparently need to shave."
Seven-year-old: "Why do you have hair on your face?"
Me: "Because I'm a woman!"
Seven-year-old: "I thought only men were hairy."
Me: "Yes, well, I'm hairy too."
* Me (to the three-year-old): "How'd you sleep last night? I hope you slept well for your first day of kindy!"
Three-year-old: "I didn't sleep last night. There were bears in the street. I saw them."
Me: "Baby, there aren't bears in New Zealand."
* Three-year-old: "Mum, teeth are like raisons."
The mom: "Teeth are like raisons? That's what you said?"
Three-year-old: "Yes, they're small and little and go in your mouth."
* Three-year-old: "My doodle can play tricks!"
* Five-year-old: "Kara, when the baby's grown up, you should marry him."
Me: "Oh, hunny, he's too young for me."
Five-year-old: "Then you should marry my older brother. He's nine."
Nine-year-old: "We can't get married, stupid. People who are related have messed up babies."
* The mom (to the three-year-old): "Don't do wees standing up!"
Three-year-old: "I'm sorry, I did standing up wees."
(Pee everywhere)
The mom: "You're not big enough to do standing up wees."
Three-year-old: "My doodle's tiny."
The mom: "Yes, Daddy says you have to wait until your doodle's longer before you do standing up wees."
* Seven-year-old: "I'm going to travel around the world and then go to California and find a man."
* Seven-year-old: "I don't want Mummy to be a grandma."
Me: "Why's that?"
Seven-year-old: "I don't want her to have wrinkles."
* Three-year-old (grabs my crotch): "Kara, do you have a doodle?"
Me: "No, no, we've been over this. Boys have doodles. Girls don't."
Three-year-old: "Mummy has a doodle."
Me: "No, your mummy doesn't have a doodle. Your daddy does."
Three-year-old: "Mummy's doodle is growing. I saw it."
* Nine-year-old: "Do you know dentists?"
Me: "Yes, I know dentists."
Nine-year-old: "I don't think I could be a dentist."
Me: "Why not?"
Nine-year-old: "I don't like teeth. I'd vomit in people's mouths."
* Three-year-old: "I love you and I love my toast."
* Three-year-old: "When I'm nine, I'll be a real man with a real guitar."
* Me: "What do you want to do this afternoon?"
Three-year-old: "Touch a cloud."
* Three-year-old: "I don't like my baby's hair like that."
Me: "What do you want his hair to be like?"
Three-year-old: "To be handsome like mine."
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