Urination urgencies assail young children at inconvenient times. Prevailing pee episodes occur: three minutes before the end of a movie, two minutes before the bride and groom kiss, seconds after leaving the house or getting in a car, at birthday parties, and while in a pool, hot tub, bathtub, lake, river, or ocean. Proximity to water assembles urine in children's bladders like eating three meals in one sitting builds excrement in my rectum.
Two-year-olds rarely relieve themselves when they have to. They wait until you tell them to go, or they announce it and stand, static, in the middle of the floor. When they are tired, previously potty-trained two-year-olds will piss themselves. When enclosed in water, previously potty-trained two-year-olds will either pee in the water, or eject themselves from the water and piss themselves.
Last week, the two-year-old stood up in the bathtub and cried. As I asked what was wrong, he peed in the tub. His sister was in it. He pissed on her.
A few days ago, I forgot to force the child to urinate before swimming. While we were in the hot tub, the two-year-old announced, "I have to go wees," and seized his penis. I threw him under my arm and rioted from the jacuzzi.
Three seconds later, we exited the gate bordering the pool. Warm piss discharged on my hip and down my leg. I stopped. I stood with him in my arms until he finished.
"Well. You don't have to go anymore?" I tranquilly asked.
My leg smelled like bear drool and piss.
The two-year-old put his arms around my neck and located his face three inches from mine.
"Sowwy. I did wees on you," he said, serious as Hitler.
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