November 24th 9:45am- You Know You're Drunk When...

Four Brits - Manchester, Leeds, Brighton, and Brighton's Boyfriend - and I cavorted to Alleppey, Kerala for an overnight houseboat excursion through the Keralan backwaters. Depravity between us five shmammered adults mutated our communication skills and coordination into six-year-old competency. The trip was awesome. And we were champions.

You Know You're Drunk When...

*You, a male, place your nipple into a glass of tea. You attempt to milk yourself and acquire the nickname Milky.

*You break a bottle of Apple Vodka. Since smashing the taxi window you have become a calamitous individual climaxing in the breakage of two beer bottles, three glasses, and three bottles of Apple Vodka in five days. You replace the Vodka and then break the bottle before consumption three times. You are not pleased at the bank account deficit.

*You let a girl who has never shaved heads shave yours.

* You bite a hairy man's bare ass.

*None of you smoke but send the chef out into the Indian jungle in the middle of the night to buy cigarettes. He returns with three packs. The next morning four cigarettes remain. The chef steals two of them.

*You pretend to be pirates.

*The following morning, you don't remember half of the pictures taken.

*Your girlfriend refuses to let you shave your ginger hair, just leaving a filthy Mexican mustache. You don't speak for five minutes and then go to bed sulking. You ultimately share a bed with Milky while your girlfriend spoons with a male Brit and female American. The next morning, Milky announces that you grabbed him the entire night. He continually yelled, "I'm not your girlfriend!" but that didn't deter the intoxicated groping. You don't recall going to bed.

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